My Wife and Kids Were Fast asleep, And I Couldn’t Numb the Pain
I hated New Year’s Eve for the same reason I hated having time off.
The danger of too much time on my hands, time to think about just how much I was not living up to my true potential… and lying to myself about why next year was going to be somehow different.
The worst was the eve of 2012
My mortality well and truly challenged recovering from surgery after having a Laser in my right kidney for 5 hours blasting away at several stones, one the size of a five-cent piece.
Yes, this was the second time needing surgery you would think peeing blood, vomiting and passing out because of the extreme pain would have been enough of a wake-up call the first time.
My kids were asleep
My wife went to bed in disgust
Because of a crazy argument, we had over nothing, “that no doubt I instigated” because that way I would not have to BE REAL and talk about how I REALLY FELT and deal with my Sh#t.
So, there I was New Year’s Eve laid up on the couch, unable to move because of the pain chugging down on a bottle of bourbon in the dark.
For as long as I could remember, I would drink most Friday and Saturday nights until I was numb to the pain or passed out.
Deluding myself that because I only did it on the weekends, it was somehow ok and wouldn’t do any harm.
· I was trying to escape reality
· I was hiding from the pain
· I was trapped in my mind
· I felt frustrated and guilty
· I felt lost and alone
So, I would kid myself and drink thinking it would
· Stop the Pain
· Stop the Blame
· And somehow give me lasting courage to do what was in my heart
I Could See the Life I Wanted for Myself and My Family But whenever I Got to The Edge Of Stepping Up I Would Slip Back Deeper Into the Black Void Of Pain.
My wife came into the lounge room early the next Moring, where I had stayed on the couch all night. As she walked in, I quickly pretended to be still asleep truth is I didn’t have the guts to go to my own bed.
That would mean having a conversation about why I wrecked seeing in the new year together.
My wife looked over at me, and with the same eyes, she had looked at me when I had let her down before and said…
“I’m going out and taking the kids with me.”
I thought to myself “That’s no big deal.”
It wasn’t until the end of the day I found out she had been plotting her escape route and had… Left to stay at her parents’ house and had taken the kids with her.
I Had No ONE TO REACH OUT TO FOR ANSWERS.
I was Maxed Out In My Business, 50 Staff to Look After and my market share was evaporating and now on top of that my health was compromised so I couldn’t even exercise to fill the void.
So, I distracted myself cracked open another bottle and watched something trivial on TV to tie me over.
Dragging myself deeper and deeper into the black void of pain.
It had been months of arguing and lack of connection at any level, and there was no sign of that turning around any time soon, and I was Filled with Guilt and Shame and Hated everything about myself.
I was home alone for Three straight weeks without my family over the holiday period
Struggling, grappling and searching for a way out of the pain that was overtaking my body.
Let Them Leave And Go It Alone.
Starting Again seemed to be the only thing that made sense to me that way, I would not have to fix what was broken…
I found myself on the most celebrated family time of the year, my health compromised and at home all alone with my lies in silence.
My wife was crying herself to sleep every night hoping that time away would get me to see sense.
Meanwhile, I was getting on with business and my life pretending to everyone else nothing was wrong.
I Was Pretending to Function When My Soul Was Burning Down from Neglecting the Ones Who I Loved So Dearly.
I picked up the phone and talked to my wife and asked her to come home, convincing her I sounded better.
She said she was coming home but it was not because of me…
My Son Brendan, the apple of my eye, was born with a pinhole right next to the opening of his ear that ran all the way into his sinuses.
It had gotten infected a couple of times before, but this time it was serious, and we had to take him straight to the children’s hospital.
Shaye came home we never said too much to each other than getting our son to the hospital.
He needed urgent surgery and although very serious, after a few days in the hospital, thankfully he was going to make a full recovery.
An experience at the hospital would change my life forever.
As I walked through the wards to see my son.
I noticed a young boy about the same age as my son sitting on the side of his bed, no hair and tubes coming out of his nose.
You could just tell how seriously sick he was, his face drawn and grey as if the life was draining out of him.
He was Dying.
He was just a child and had not experienced Life Yet.
He had every reason to Be Upset.
He had every reason To Quit.
But Instead, he drew every bit of strength and Smiled at Me.
He demonstrated a level courage I had never experienced before.
Shocked, I managed a smile back.
And kept walking
I said to myself…
“My Boy Was Coming Home, but This Young Lad Was Never Coming Home!” Not for the holidays NOT EVER…
I almost dropped to my knees with emotion.
Uncontrollable tears streamed down my face falling to the floor like a leaking tap.
My heart opened up… the same as when my children were born.
Every part of my body flooded with gratitude, and I just released the self-imposed pain, guilt, fear and burden.
That young boy touched my heart that day and gave me the gift of my life.
That day 8 Years ago would become a day of redemption, the foundation of a business, family, and life turnaround like no other.
A day where I would begin to focus all of my training, expertise, experience and gratitude to a quantum shift in all areas of my life.
It would become the day that I chose to reignite the engines that I had switched off for years.
Reconnecting me with my heart mind soul and the family I loved so dearly.
Over the next 24 months, I would compile distil down, and laser focusing the most powerful components and concepts I had learned. To turn around…
My life, my business, my health, my family and my relationships…
To launch The Titans Academy out of a calling and necessity to help other men in business and their families.
And now it is changing the lives of men and their families for good forever.
You Have an Opportunity For Your own Life-shifting Moment …Just Like I Did
It’s time to get out of your comfort zone…
A new house still has the old marriage….
A new year’s resolution still brings the same man into the new year….
I’m not talking about short cuts or magic tricks I’m talking about doing the work
So that… The new year doesn’t define you… You define it…
If you’re ready to Stand up, make new decisions and a change for good